pencil case redux

direct quotations as seen on the duffel bags disguised as pencil cases in my classes over the past few days. please note that in addition to these wonderful sayings, the cases are usually covered in smiling cartoon animals and copious amounts of glitter.

i think about you everyday i want to be with you

hellow sweety friend

play with me

draw me on the wall

i prey for you

happiness is just the corner

booby

not quite generic

i have always known that hallmark is a flawed enterprise. i dont really have anything against the company, theyre great at cards wishing someone a happy birthday with some hunky guy on the cover or using slapstick humor to declare someone officially old, but when it comes to those in-between situations, the sticky moments when you would really like saying or two to take up some of that empty space on a "blank inside" card, the greeting card industry has hopelessly failed us, as a society.

i have been more attuned to this situation in recent weeks because i have yet to find a single card here whatsoever. im still not quite sure why this is. perhaps koreans like to create their own sentiment rather than selecting from amongst pre-packaged emotions. or, it is quite likely, they do have card shops, but they are tucked into an area or a district that i have yet to discover. i find it hard to believe that hallmark would allow an entire global market to escape its clutches.

it has been in looking for a normal "cheers to you happy birthday thanks a million congratulations" type of card that i have been reminded of the other cards that, if conceived, never quite made it into production. i can just picture the hallmark newbie burning the midnight oil, hunched over his desk and muttering to himself, with rejected cards littering the ground around him like dead leaves in autumn. cards for the average joe; the guy who doesnt have the perfect life but still needs to send something in the mail:

hey! congratulations on not getting deported! we are all really happy for you! (even if we do have to cancel the party celebrating your departure)

im not quite sure if we are just friends or dating, so happy birthday ________(insert pal or sweetheart here)

im sorry that you failed the exam you just spent the last 3 months of your life studying for, and now you will not get into your professional school of choice, thus rendering your current existence a sham.

welcome back from rehab!

i miss you (why arent you answering my phone calls?)

happy birthday to my married boyfriend (dont worry, this card will self-destruct in 30 seconds so she will never find it)

congratulations on your new apartment even though it smells like a foot and floods every time you do laundry. i wont get into the cockroaches.

i dont know. but these are the things i think about sometimes.

an ode to the pencil case

oh pencil case of the korean student, how truly magnificent you are. somehow, despite your multitude of colors and flowery designs, you mange to remain decidedly unisex; your functionality is admired by boys and girls alike. you manage to pull off the most improper english in such a way that i can not help but laugh. every time i read your faithful declarations of friendship and love i have to stifle a chuckle. "a piece of remember" and "friends makes happy" serve as exalted examples of your infinite wisdom.
regardless, i have never before seen a hypersexed pubescent male embrace an electric pink hue such as when a student dug a highlighter of such color from your depths this evening. and, speaking of your depths, what exactly do you hide in the dark interior of your printed fabric? i have permanently withdrawn my awe after seeing exacto-knives, large pepperoni pizzas, and full length mirrors emerge from your inconspicuously compact frame.
at any rate, pencil case of the korean student, i salute you. you at one time are the holder of multi-colored pens, the cheat-sheet of choice, and the secret source of power of my students. searching for some mystery object has saved millions of desperate pupils from having to answer with a complete sentence the dreaded open-ended question. because of this, you have also saved me from having to pretend that i could understand them and have allowed me more time in the spotlight, which i, of course, relish. furthermore, without you the papers i collect would be limited to the silver-gray of a #2 pencil rather than the day-glo works of art that glow in the dark and make me wonder how much radiation i contact each day. also, my students would never comprehend the wrath that is a teacher fully fed up with them pulling fake rose bouquets, trained lions, and fully packed clown cars from amongst erasers and white out. i dont quite know how you do it, but you keep their attention better than anything else i have ever seen. because i can not unlock your mystery i must pay homage. you have foiled me again, pencil case of the korean student, but rest assured that in the end i will conquer.

until we meet again (tomorrow, and every day thereafter),
a

me, on tv

if my life were a tv show, today, definitely today, would be the opening credits. the cool autumn breeze in my hair, theme song pumping in the background, finally, after weeks of searching, a good latte in my hand, and me feeling as though i could conquer the world. if my life were a tv show there would be no subtitles. i dont understand what is going on, why should anyone else? or, perhaps, the subtitles could be just as confused as i am. "did i just say 'i dont understand' or 'how much does that cost?'" the viewers wouldnt know either. but it doesnt matter, we are only on the opening credits. if my life were a tv show, the credits would include a gaggle of girls yelling hello to me and then screaming with glee when i asked them how they were in korean, like what happened today. if my life were a tv show it would be cancelled in a week. but today, opening credit day, good latte day, screaming korean girl day, i dont care one bit.

finethanksandyou

i know, i know. ive been doing a terrible job keeping this up to date and filling you in on all of the important things that are going on in my life, and in korea. its funny, too, because its not like i dont have anything to tell you about. i think of things all the time, cool things, things that i would want to hear about if i were you. things like:

-its become autumn here suddenly, but what is interesting about this is that during the day it is still nice and warm. at night, however, it is about 20 degrees different. i wasnt expecting this; it happened so suddenly that one night i couldnt sleep for wishing i had turned on the ac and the next i was wishing i had closed the windows.

-konglish exists. it is the hybrid version of english and korean. in korean writing, there has to be enough vowels to pair up with consonants in syllables. it is also the reason that the pasta rio restaurant across from my window is pronounced pas-uh-ta rio. likewise, i got my first bank statement the other day and alexandra is written 알렉산드라 and pronounced al-leg-sun-de-ra. and the ls and rs are pretty similar sounding

-playing soccer with my coworkers is pretty much the highlight of my week. i look forward to it for days. we play at 11 pm and dont score on goals but rather by hitting one of two mannequin torsos. i love the excuse to play soccer and run around with my friends.

-the last 2 weeks were middle school breaks, where my second class, the middle school one, was canceled because the students had really intense exams at their daytime school. as a result i only worked 3 hours a day but got paid the same. we are back on our six hour/day schedule and i forgot how tired i could get. its been taking some getting used to.

-i am now in my seventh week of teaching. this, to me, is beyond belief. it feels like not so long ago i was still living in the sty that was 747 packard, complaining about the hotel guests and hanging out in the garden. now i live alone and the cleanliness status of my apartment is on me. i miss the mess sometimes, or rather, the people that made it.

-korean students have been brainwashed from an early age to provide a standard response to "how are you?" ask any of them and you will get "finethanksandyou". it's monotone and without any real concern for the answer so sometimes i wonder if they have ever even thought about what they are asking. theyre bright kids, really spot on, but so much of their education is memorization. i like that as a school, we dont do that as much as others.

anyway, thats life here i guess.